Our storytelling

Following my coaching certification exam I had to wait 3-4 days to know if I’d passed.  The advice one of the coaches gave me was “While you wait, if you’re going to make up a story you might as well make it a good one”.

This advice stopped me in my tracks.  I knew on some subconscious level that I was going to spend my time waiting telling the story – “I might fail this. Failing not only means that I must retake the exam, but I’ll also have to tell people I didn’t pass.”  This story didn’t feel good. 

What is it with stories anyway?  Humans are meaning making machines and have told stories for thousands of years. We have language and thus the ability to narrate gaps.  By gaps I mean uncertainty. Stories help us make sense of the world. Who doesn’t love a good story? Or a bad one come to that, thanks to our negativity bias!

Stories have benefits.  They shape our experience and can help us make sense of something complicated: managing expectations, preparing ourselves for the worst, offering up something in the face of uncertainty.  We can cling to “no news is good news.”

BE aware and beware of stories.  If the stories we tell ourselves are how we see our world, make no mistake they are powerful.  If you are your words, then what does that mean for our stories?

Stories are not truth even though they can feel very real.  We get stuck in our stories and occasionally other people’s stories, unable to see a different version of events.

Single stories can get us into trouble; one story does not accurately describe any situation.  A single story prevents us from seeing possible alternatives. Stories that don’t serve us might sound something like:

“I’ve always been bad at conflict.”

“I don’t have the courage or confidence to do the things I want.”

“I excel at starting things and suck at finishing them.”

“I’m not a natural-born leader.”

How do you benefit from holding on to this story? What might you gain by challenging it?

What would be different if we spent more time making up good stories instead of bad ones? 

Questions you can ask the next time you find yourself in a story:

1. When did I start telling this story?
2. Does the story serve me?
3. Just like in Choose Your Own Adventure, what could be an alternative ending?