Lockdown was my opportunity to get things done.
“Should is a futile word. It’s about what didn’t happen. It belongs in a parallel universe. It belongs in another dimension of space.”
–Margaret Atwood
Lockdown was my opportunity to get things done.
I should be ___________ (fill in blank)
As well as being terrifying and stress inducing, lockdown has offered a space for us to reflect on what we are grateful for. It has given us the gift of time. Power washers came out. Peloton bikes were purchased after years of deliberation and mindfulness found its way to being second on our TO DO lists, right after number one: google mindfulness. We’ve had the chance to explore new things. Perhaps you’ve found new exercise classes, created lockdown recipe groups, found out all about Zoom, and felt a true sense of community spirit!
You aren’t missing your commute or running around like a maniac in the morning shouting “KIDS, GET YOUR SHOES ON!” People aren’t waking up to alarms each morning at god knows what time. It’s given us a chance to really embody what sheltering in place is. Crazy amounts of time with our family. Answers to all of the questions starting with "what would we do without ______." Well now we know.
Some of us haven’t been anywhere near as productive as we thought we would be. We desperately want to be present with our children and cherish this time, but instead we are worrying about how far they’ll fall behind due to our substandard teaching. We want to read more books now that we have more time, but our pandemic brains make it impossible to focus. That TO DO list is waiting, but we are disabled by a state of anxiety. We’re mourning the fact that precious physical contact with friends and family has been robbed from us. Before all of this occurred many of us were on track with our diets, only to have boredom and loneliness put a kibosh on it.
Whilst others have knocked it out of the park, writing books and taking virtual classes during this time; the rest of us are looking out the window thinking, “I’ve had plenty of chances to lose that 5lbs, start meditating or running again. What exactly is holding me back?”
With this comes judgement and many “shoulds.” That heavy feeling that you should be doing something different, something more, being better.
“I feel lonely but I should really just feel grateful.”
“My routine worked, now it’s gone and I feel like my world has been turned upside down and this sucks!”
“But others have it much worse than me so I should stop complaining.”
This is a unique situation we find ourselves in, therefore you can allow yourself to swap out some of those “should” for choices. Choices are lighter and make us feel empowered. Choose to be okay with not being your most productive right now. Choose to drop perfectionism, if only temporarily. Choose to acknowledge without following up with “but I should be.”
This is happening and I have limited control
I am scared
I am grieving for my life that was
I HATE home schooling
I’m lucky/ grateful for so many things (including teachers)
I’m doing my best
Sit with it instead of beating yourself up over what you should be doing, thinking, feeling. Choose self-compassion. Come up with a plan of action that is reasonable and accept that some things can’t get done now, due to a multitude of reasons. Target yourself on doing just one thing off of your list. When it’s done, take the time to tell yourself “well done,” instead of instantly moving on to the next item. Perhaps make a list of all the things you’ll get done once this is over, when you have some control again. Better still, get curious about certain things on your TO DO list that just never seem to get done. Maybe they shouldn’t be on it in the first place?
Choose to not judge yourself by your productivity.
“Move forward every day, except when you don't."
Maya Angelou